I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
