I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
