i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
