Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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