It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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