guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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