Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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