'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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