Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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