We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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