just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
