he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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