More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
