I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
