you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
