I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
