How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
