one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
