Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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