She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
