I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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