He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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