Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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