She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just threw up on my dentist
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
