he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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