His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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