i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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