and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
