after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
NoShamevember. You game?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
