so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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