trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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