her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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