Having a random hookup so left but love u
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
