Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
