:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
