smell my finger.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
