remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
