I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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