Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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