there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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