I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
