Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
