If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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