I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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