I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
