I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
