So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
