The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
