Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
