His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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