He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
