Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
