My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
