My underwear smells like fireworks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
