I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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