I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
