I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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