Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
