I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
