I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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