our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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