Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
