I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
