I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
