I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
