Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
