I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
