I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
