Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
