Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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