i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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